I don’t know what to do, I was happy, for such a long time, and then I got the boy that I have wanted since the day I met him a few years ago.. then he goes and gets grounded, and get his phone back and says he can’t be with me cause his mom doesn’t want him to date me. my brother asked my ex’s bestfriend about it and he said “his mom didn’t care at all”
Tyler(my ex) acts like it never happened, like we have never met in our entire lifetime. and I just can’t sit here and pretend it isn’t killing me, like I am not thinking about him all the fucking time..
and then the other day, the boy I will probably always love, for the rest of my life…because we have the most connection any one of my other ex’s have because he took my virginity, he texted me and said that he is watching Dear John and it reminded him of me. (because he moved a few weeks after we had sex.) and we fell in love in so little time.. and he had to leave.. I cried, I literally sat there and balled..
then I was listening to my favorite band He Is We and listened to the song Our July In The Rain:
Bring me back to holding hands in the rain,
I swear I’d ease your pain.
Lift you up so you could finally see
The love you are to me.
I’ve had time and I’ve had change
I’ve been broken but still I can’t explain.
Our July..
Why’d I have to go and do you like that?
Thought I’d moved on, then you brought me right back.
To the night you took my kiss away from me.
I took yours too, then I lost you.
Would you bring me back to holding hands in the rain,
I swear I’d ease your pain.
Lift you up so you could finally see
The love you are to me.
I’ve had time and I’ve had change
I’ve been broken but still I can’t explain.
Our July in the Rain….hey..
Every part of me is broken now
I tried to scream but nothing came out
drop my pride and I reveal my inside
and it all came pouring out.
Would you bring me back to holding hands in the rain,
I swear I’d ease your pain.
Lift you up so you could finally see
The love you are to me.
I’ve had time and I’ve had change
I’ve been broken but still I can’t explain.
Our July in the rain
This melody
will never speak
all the things that I regret if I could say anything
my apologies for the way I ended things
see I love you but it scared me,
you scared me,
you scared me,
you scared me,
would you please..
Bring me back to holding hands in the rain,
I swear I’d ease your pain.
Lift you up so you could finally see
The love you are to me.
I’ve had time and I’ve had change
I’ve been broken but still I can’t explain.
Our July..oh oh oh oh
Would you bring me back to holding hands in the rain,
I swear I’d ease your pain.
Lift you up so you could finally see
The love you are to me.
I’ve had time and I’ve had change
I’ve been broken but still I can’t explain.
I told him it reminded me of him.. he listened to it and cried..
I have also recently accepted Jesus in to my life, and I cry every time I talk about this, because I have gone through life thinking he never existed, and if he did, he hated me.. and half of the human race. but I went to church, and he told me I needed to right the things I have done wrong. and I saw a sign that made me believe it. I saw my old friends mother, a friend that I have hurt in the worst ways.
I’m sorry I am kinda rambling, but I tried to talk about this in school in group and got cut off..
is really starting to hate myself.
I feel really bad because a lot of the kids at my school look up to me, and they have absolutely no fucking clue, how miserable I truly am..
I don’t think anyone does.. except me.
it’s just heart wrenching knowing that I have people that look up to me, as a “new” and “healthy” person and I am quite the opposite.. I just hope someday I can show at least one person who I am REALLY inside.
but at least they know that I love, and care for them.. and that is all that matters.
I hope they never stop trusting me, cause I love to make our school a better place to be.
I love you all..
